Melbourne House produced several amusing adventures, including such bug-infested classics as The Hobbit and Lord Of The Rings. But one adventure that seemed less bug-ridden than most was Terrormolinos.
It has the typical mixture of wry humour and puzzles that characterised most Melbourne House offerings. It also is an adventure that has featured regularly in my postbag, as readers of this column have asked for help at various points in the game.
Your ultimate task is to collect ten of those ghastly holiday photographs that people love to show their enemies - and they inevitably argue for ages to whether a particular - and usually totally boring - shot was taken on a Wednesday or Thursday. I'm sure we've all suffered at the hands of such moronic monsters.
Anyway, the starting place is in your home - the hall to be exact - and there is a move-counter working against you. I'm going to describe the procedures involved, but you'll have to work out how to fit them into the time allowed.
If you examine the coal scuttle there, you'll put your wife Beryl out for the count since she's not all that partial to spiders, so go EAST to the lounge instead. EXAMINEing the SETTEE will produce the passport. Then having collected it, return to the hall and go NORTH through the kitchen to the back yard.
EXAMINE is a word which is needed a lot in Melbourne House adventures and doing this to the washing line will yield a pair of trunks. TAKE them and the STEPS. These must be scrutinised because otherwise you'll fail to see the locking device - with fatal results when you try to use the steps.
LOCK the STEPS and go back SOUTH into the kitchen and give the shelf there a once over. The camera is out of reach - which is why the steps need to be rendered safe: UP STEPS, TAKE CAMERA, DOWN STEPS and it's time for some further exploration.
SOUTH gets you into the hall and UP to the top of the stairs you go. Above you is a hatch: UP STEPS, OPEN HATCH, UP, ON LIGHT will show you the SUITCASE, harpoon GUN and SNORKEL. TAKE these and go DOWN the STEPS again.
Now go NORTH into your bedroom and TAKE the brochure. READing it produces information about your resort - Terrormolinos - and your TICKETS will also flutter out of the brochure to the ground. TAKE them and the LETTER, which you need to READ in order to discover which hotel you are staying at. Finally EXAMINE your dressing table: You'll discover a closed drawer. OPEN it and TAKE the HANDKERCHIEF you find there. You won't need it to blow your nose, but it can save your life.
Go into the bathroom next (SOUTH and EAST) where you should OPEN CABINET and TAKE the PILLS. Unless you want to be involved in an explosion later on, leave the can of shaving foam where it is.
Go West and West into the children's bedroom and EXAMINE the TARDIS to reveal the BUCKET and SPADE. TAKE BUCKET will do for both items.
EAST on to the landing and DOWN into the hall and you are ready to CALL DOREEN and - if necessary - KEN and BERYL. Enter I (for INVENTORY) will soon tell you. DROP the STEPS, as the cabbie won't permit them inside his vehicle, and go SOUTH and HIRE TAXI.
All you have to do now is follow the directions in the adventure to finish up at Terrormolinos and the Plaza. Since your hotel is the Excrucio, go EAST into the lobby and be prepared to receive lots of friendly advice about the places to visit.
Go straight up to your hotel room. Doreen will abscond while Ken and Beryl start unpacking. Relax and prepare for a little striptease act - yours! - which is resolutely ignored by your audience.
TAKE TRUNKS, REMOVE CLOTHES, WEAR TRUNKS then TAKE, KNOT and WEAR HANKY. You are now prepared to exhibit True Brit grit and go out into the noonday sun.
TAKE the CAMERA, harpoon GUN and SNORKEL and go DOWN into the hotel lobby and then West into the Plaza. NORTHWEST of you is the tourist quarter of town where you'll find essential ingredients - FILM, flash CUBES and suntan LOTION. TAKE them all then APPLY LOTION, LOAD FILM into your camera and go back SOUTHEAST into the Plaza where you should TAKE PHOTO numero uno.
The beach is your next destination, so move NORTHEAST and TAKE PHOTO two, then continue NORTH, TAKE PHOTO three, NORTH, TAKE PHOTO four, and NORTH to where paddle boats can be hired. TAKE PHOTO five.
HIRE a BOAT and go out to the island to rescue Doreen. First CALL her away from the unexploded shell, then TAKE PHOTO number six before you BOARD BOAT and FIRE GUN to dispose of the shark. Now you can go back along the beach to the hotel.
A couple of points should be noted here. If you take Little Ken and the bucket and spade on to the second part of the beach, Ken will bury you in sand and when the tide comes in, things can get a bit nasty. If you wear the snorkel and SWIM in the sea you add more points to your score.
Once you get return UP into your hotel room, REMOVE TRUNKS, and change back into your normal CLOTHES. UNKNOT the HANKY but keep it with you, then CALL everybody and make sure you have the CAMERA, FILM and FLASH CUBES.
Now go to the Plaza, then NORTHWEST into the tourist quarter and SOUTH to the nightclub area. When you find the nightclub with people with people doing John Travolta impressions (yuk!) ADD CUBES to your camera and TAKE PHOTO seven.
Your hotel, the Excrucio, has a restaurant which should be avoided until the very end. Other hotels are: The Excelsior (it has a banner with a Strange Device) where you can rejoice at regular rejection, and the Excalibur (the management is noted for sharp practice). Enter this hotel by all means, but SAVE your position first.
Each excursion starts from the same point, Southwest of the Plaza, and is triggered by entering GO (EXCURSION). So - to get it over with - let's GO BULLFIGHT.
Provided you've got your RED HANKY and it's not knotted, all will be well, Beryl will ask if she can take a photo (No. 8) and - provided the flash cube has been removed - you can answer "Si". Little Ken will now run out into the arena and be chased by the bull.
My own feeling is that we should let the miniature monster suffer, but there's no way of finishing the game if we do, so go N into the bullring and WAVE HANKY instead. Then take the bull to a china shop - where else? - before returning to the coach.
Next GO WINETASTE: Simply follow the sights around until you come to the dusty cellar and Beryl is terrorised by a spider. Make sure you've got the flash cubes connected then TAKE PHOTO (No. 9), KILL SPIDER, go back to the coach and BOARD COACH.
GO MONASTERY and ascend to the top of the belltower to TAKE PHOTO (No. 10) without the flash. After that, come down and go EAST to the cloisters. You'll discover that Mr Snargsby has got himself lost in the catacombs that you can't get back without him.
To find him, you must go DOWN, SOUTHWEST, NORTH, EAST, NORTHWEST and DOWN. Somewhere along this route, you will encounter him. Once you have found Mr Snargsby, CALL him and retrace your steps to the coach and BOARD it.
Last of all go to your hotel restaurant and EXAMINE the MENU before ORDERing a MEAL. Eat the sludge and TAKE the PILLS to increase your score.
Once you have done all these things, the coach will arrive to take you home, and it's just a question of following the instructions while you plan your next little caper.